Profile Diva

SAMPLE PROFILE CRITIQUE

Here is a sample critique of a real online dating profile. Notes by Profile Diva are in pink.

HEADING

Wanted: activity partner

ABOUT ME

I've just moved to Australia from the UK last December, I'm actually South African but have spent the last 20 years in the UK. I'm on contract with an Aussie company and I'm in the process of transferring my UK design company to Australia.

PD: Good opening - but not great on the grammar. First line should read, "I was born in South Africa, and after spending the last 20 years in the UK, I moved to Australia last December."

I'm very spontaneous (this trip was planned and happened in 5 days!) I can be fairly shy sometimes until I get to know someone. I've been told I have a very dry since of humour.

PD: Bad spelling and grammar and sort of unclear. Avoid "my friends say I'm" or "I'm told that I am" statements. They imply that you don't know who you are, and rely on the opinions of others to define yourself. It should read, "I'm very spontaneous, with a dry sense of humor, and can be fairly shy until I get to know someone."

I'm into mountain and road biking and in the last couple of years, kayaking. I keep reasonably fit and occasionally take part in bike races, my last being a 110 mile road race in New York last May. I'm not some uber fit, bronzed, ripped Adonis (all though I will be after my new personal trainer has finished with me), I've always kept fit and I've cycled all my life, I try to take care of myself.

PD: This section is ok until he starts talking about what he's NOT. Highlighting that he's not an Adonis immediately puts that image in a woman's mind, and it sounds like he's apologizing for how he looks, which is not a confident message to send. Also more spelling and grammar problems.

Ever since the age of six I've wanted to be a product designer, my entire school and uni education was focused on this goal and I've never worked as anything else. I love what I do and I can't imagine doing anything else.

PD: Although the grammar and sentence structure is weak, this is a good element because it gives some insight into what's important to him and shows that he loves his work which is a very attractive quality in a man.

I'm looking for a companion to go cycling and kayaking with and to explore Australia a bit whether it is a weekend trip to the Blue Mountains or a 2 week trip to Tasmania. I'm looking for someone to go out to dinner or to the cinema with. Ideally I'd like someone younger than me with bags of energy, reasonably tall and who likes doing stuff and, more importantly, can think for herself and doesn't need a man to tell her what to do.

PD: As mentioned before, looking for a "companion" sounds like he's looking for a guy friend or a dog - just someone to keep him company while he pursues HIS interests. FATAL MISTAKE saying that he wants someone younger and "reasonably tall". Not only does it make him sound shallow and insecure, but it will automatically turn most women off, even if they are young and tall. Women are not attracted to men who they think have rigid physical criteria about the women they date. Women know looks are important to men, but a man making a statement like that makes him sound like he's ordering a product from a catalogue, not introducing himself to a real live human being.

Oh, and I'm a bit more sophisticated that your usually Aussie bloke! I don't grunt and drink beer all day long whilst scratching my beer belly ;-)

PD: Wow, more bad grammar. It should be "usual" not "usually". Also, it's never attractive to brag to women about what you're NOT. It sounds like you're putting other men (in this case all Aussie men) down in an effort to make yourself look good. It's petty and immature.

I'll have my profile photo uploaded on the 20th of Feb, I'm have a few professional photos taken.

PD: Not having a picture is a big mistake, and a man who admits to having professional photos taken comes off as vain and insecure. Also, "have" should be "having".